Mad town!

Well, I have officially moved to madison. Not quite sure what my address is. Oh well, not really important at the moment, besides if you want to write you can always just call me and get the address later.

So the more I think about it, the more I realize that being out of whitewater is gonna close a lot of chapters in my life. A lot of friendships are gonna start to fade, and a lot of good times are just gonna be memories. I don't want that to happen really. I don't really want to let that go just yet.

It is not that I dwell in the past or anything, i am very excited to be up here and like 5 minutes from my store. I haven't filled up in gas for like 4 days which is a new record. That's pretty cool.

I just feel like, me leaving is me giving up on everything. My friends, my life there, my school potential, and that other thing. I don't want to give up on any of it, but i am beginning to wonder if i just was staying there cause it was easy, when the best situation for me all along was to get the hell out of there.

I know this is all confusing but stick with me, you may just get even more confused.

I have only been gone for a few days, but i am already feeling it start to happen. The physical seperation is now becoming the emotional seperation. I am letting go of a lot of things from whitewater, a lot of random drama that i am glad to be without, a lot of drinking, that i am glad to be without. A dog that pissed everywhere, a messy house. But none of those things really concerned me anyways. The house was pretty cool, although dirty, it was fun. The dog is cute as hell. With the drama came some of the best days of my life. On top of all that I don't want to lose my friends, i don't want to give up, if you know what i mean.

Of course you don't, you aren't in my head!

This would all make way more sense if you were hiding under my skull.

Oh well, basically what it boils down to, is i am happy i am here, but i didn't want to leave in the first place. I guess i just had to go, to see if things would change becuase of it. I wanted to see if i was important enough to be missed, and not just in the "well it was fun hanging out with that guy" or "he gave me some good advice" i want to be missed cause someone really needed me there, because someone loves me enough to not want me to be an hour away.

As you are reading this i am sure you are saying to yourself, OF COURSE I WILL MISS YOU YOU DUMBASS QUIT YOUR WHINING!! but apparently you just don't get it. I don't want you to miss me, nor do i want you to pity me. I just want something...

I don't even know what i want.

Confusion may be fun and all but it is definetly getting old. i have spent to much of my time in a "what the hell is going on" cloud and i am beginning to lose my grip here. And now that i am not in whitewater anymore, it is going to be even harder to maintain relationships with people that may have just been doomed to begin with but i am just refusing to see it. Maybe i just need to be left alone to realise i don't need anyone but myself.

And i have crossed the line, and am beginning to confuse even myself. Looking back and reading this i don't even know half the stuff i am talking about. It is all just coming out so fast i am not even taking time to notice how incredibly crazy this all sounds for the untrained ear. Listen, if you want to wast your time choosing to understand everything that was said here, be my guest. Just do me one favor.

As soon as you figure out what i should do, let me know.

Hell, better yet, as soon as you figure out what i am talking about, let me know.

It isn't like my phone is ringing off the hook anymore, i just may answer.

Summer time sucks, i need to go camping.

Dennis

I remember now..

I remember why i work all the damn time.

CAUSE SHIT GOES ARY WHEN I TAKE A DAY OFF!!!

8 voicemails from work

8!!!

all while i was watching a movie

Oh and on top of all of that, i watched a movie today and that was all i did.

I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO!! I AM IN FREAKIN ORFORDVILLE!!!

when i have a day off, i have nothing but time to think, and i think my brain may be what is causing my heart problems, and sleeping issues. I was really happy i had a day off, i slept in really really late, then i woke up sat around for a couple minutes and started to get really angry at my lot in life. I got over it and saw the fantastic star wars movie. After that i checked my voicemail, one from lindsay and 8 from work. i am really really cool. the best thing i had to do today was listen to voicemails from work and solve those problems.

THIS IS WHY I NEVER TAKE A DAY OFF. JUST DON'T ASK ME ANYMORE!

it's ok though, tomorrow i work all day, saturday i work 18 hours and then i work all day sunday. that'll make me feel better, or forget, whichever. but tomorrow night is kurts bachelor party!

I hate depressing blog entries, my suggestion to all of you may be to not read this blog ever again. I dont' want to sound like marvin here but save yourselves!!!

Dennis

"Say Anything"

Here I am on the phone again
An awkward silence is on the other end.
I used to know the sound of a smile in your voice.
But right now, all I feel is the pain of the fighting staring up again.

All the things we talk about, you know they stay on my mind.
On my mind.
All the things we laugh about, they'll bring us through it every time.
After time after time.
Don't say a word, I know you feel the same, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.
Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.

Some say that, time changes
Best friends can become strangers.
But I don't want that, no not for you,
If you just stay with me we can make it through.

So here we are again, same old argument.
Now i'm wondering if things will ever change and
When will you laugh again?
Laugh like you did back when
We made noise till 3 a.m. and the neighbors would complain.

All the things we talk about, you know they stay on my mind.
On my mind.
All the things we laugh about, they'll bring us through it every time.
After time after time.
Don't say a word, I know you feel the same, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.
Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.

I'm fallin, i'm fallin, i'm fallin down.
I'm fallin, i'm fallin, i'm fallin down.

Down
Down
Down

Don't say a word, I know you feel the same, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.
Please don't walk away, I know you wanna stay, just give me a sign.
Say anything, say anything.


By the way, that is a really really good song. I suggest you listen too it. It is by Good Charlotte, if you want I can send it to you!

Take care

so here we are again, same old argument...

I just had to take a quote from a good charlotte song for my title. It seemed like a great idea.

By the way the song is called say anything, for those of you who still aren't quite getting it.

So anyways, i know i haven't posted myself in like a month or so. Just for the record those last two posts are not from me, they are WAY too funny!! They are from the great and powerful lindsay. She knows my password and i am far too lazy to change it.

I guess that kinda demystifies the whole thing doesn't it?

anyways, i am back home in orfordville now, and all i gotta say is this is no fun. None of my friends are here, but that doesnt' matter cause i never have time to hang out with anyone anyways cause i work all the time. I have been a real asshat lately, but it realy isnt' all my fault i am just super stressed out.

My memory is completely gone, i can't remember what happened 5 minutes ago anymore, i forget when i call people, or ask them questions, or answer questions, or other incredibly random things. the problem is, is now i am forgetting important work type things. I am snapping on everybody. I have apologized to the world, but it isn't getting better. The smallest things just set me off.

On top of all of that i have been fighting off the super depression. You know, the one where for no reason just before you go to sleep you feel like you wanna cry your eyes out, but you can't place your finger on the reason for it. yeah one of those. I would really like it if that whole thing would stop now. I know a large part of it stems from my interaction, or lack there of, with my friends. It isnt' their fault, people try to talk to me, but for some reason i never want to talk to them. All i wanna do is work and go home and do it all over again the next day. That is definetly not healthy, considering that now i am working 70 hours a week. It is killing me.

It turns out too, that the other guy i work with, the only other one who can really open or close the store is probably quitting cause he can't get insurance through the company. that's right folks, that means in theory i could be working over 100 hours in a week. all on salary. no wonder i am so depressed and stressed out.

I still can't really sleep, if you can't tell by the time stamp in this post, i am posting after midnight when i have to be to work by 9.

well at least i am eating better, and sleeping on a real bed. That should make a difference.

I just want to explode, then maybe i could take a day off.

well here is some good news though, i am pretty sure i am going to see the lion king with the beautiful lindsay eckert. She is getting me tickets for a birthday present. She rocks the house!

It will be nice to not work, or just sit at home and play games.

wow this a really depressing entry. sorry for that, considering this is my first one in a while

I guess i could end on a happier note.

beavers rule, and i have one sitting on top of my t.v. right now, the stuffed animal i have ever had.

have a good evening!

Dennis