Mad town!

Well, I have officially moved to madison. Not quite sure what my address is. Oh well, not really important at the moment, besides if you want to write you can always just call me and get the address later.

So the more I think about it, the more I realize that being out of whitewater is gonna close a lot of chapters in my life. A lot of friendships are gonna start to fade, and a lot of good times are just gonna be memories. I don't want that to happen really. I don't really want to let that go just yet.

It is not that I dwell in the past or anything, i am very excited to be up here and like 5 minutes from my store. I haven't filled up in gas for like 4 days which is a new record. That's pretty cool.

I just feel like, me leaving is me giving up on everything. My friends, my life there, my school potential, and that other thing. I don't want to give up on any of it, but i am beginning to wonder if i just was staying there cause it was easy, when the best situation for me all along was to get the hell out of there.

I know this is all confusing but stick with me, you may just get even more confused.

I have only been gone for a few days, but i am already feeling it start to happen. The physical seperation is now becoming the emotional seperation. I am letting go of a lot of things from whitewater, a lot of random drama that i am glad to be without, a lot of drinking, that i am glad to be without. A dog that pissed everywhere, a messy house. But none of those things really concerned me anyways. The house was pretty cool, although dirty, it was fun. The dog is cute as hell. With the drama came some of the best days of my life. On top of all that I don't want to lose my friends, i don't want to give up, if you know what i mean.

Of course you don't, you aren't in my head!

This would all make way more sense if you were hiding under my skull.

Oh well, basically what it boils down to, is i am happy i am here, but i didn't want to leave in the first place. I guess i just had to go, to see if things would change becuase of it. I wanted to see if i was important enough to be missed, and not just in the "well it was fun hanging out with that guy" or "he gave me some good advice" i want to be missed cause someone really needed me there, because someone loves me enough to not want me to be an hour away.

As you are reading this i am sure you are saying to yourself, OF COURSE I WILL MISS YOU YOU DUMBASS QUIT YOUR WHINING!! but apparently you just don't get it. I don't want you to miss me, nor do i want you to pity me. I just want something...

I don't even know what i want.

Confusion may be fun and all but it is definetly getting old. i have spent to much of my time in a "what the hell is going on" cloud and i am beginning to lose my grip here. And now that i am not in whitewater anymore, it is going to be even harder to maintain relationships with people that may have just been doomed to begin with but i am just refusing to see it. Maybe i just need to be left alone to realise i don't need anyone but myself.

And i have crossed the line, and am beginning to confuse even myself. Looking back and reading this i don't even know half the stuff i am talking about. It is all just coming out so fast i am not even taking time to notice how incredibly crazy this all sounds for the untrained ear. Listen, if you want to wast your time choosing to understand everything that was said here, be my guest. Just do me one favor.

As soon as you figure out what i should do, let me know.

Hell, better yet, as soon as you figure out what i am talking about, let me know.

It isn't like my phone is ringing off the hook anymore, i just may answer.

Summer time sucks, i need to go camping.

Dennis